Mr. Emergency

Hi guys. How was your Saturday/Sunday combo?

Ours was crazy. In a good way.

One teeny part was crazy in a bad way though. In the two and a half years we’ve lived in the loft this has happened to us twice before. And one can never get used to it...

Right above our bed is a small speaker box. In the event of an emergency a handsome sounding man comes on reporting the emergency and asking everyone to leave the building. On paper this sounds great. A true lifesaver. In real life, however, it’s just mean. From our experience most “emergencies” come in the late night or early morning hours when my live in and I are getting our beauty sleep.

This was the case on Saturday night. We had hit the pillows at 12:45am, just fallen into the sweet sleep, and at 1:15am Mr. Emergency came blaring through the wall. It was total disorientation in our loft. I beat my poor alarm clock pretty badly; in my state of disorientation I confused it for Mr. Emergency. While still in our sleep coma we got out of bed and tried to pull together a decent outfit for public eyes using only the clothes within arms reach. Perhaps you’ve seen an Army or Navy type movie? There’s always a scene where the new recruits are suddenly awoke during the middle of the night and then told to perform a task while being verbally abused by their leader. It’s like that with Mr. Emergency. It’s all we can do put our pants on correctly in that type of environment.

Mr. Emergency takes his job seriously. It’s to wake you out of a dead sleep and give very simple instructions, over and over and over…"There is an emergency in the building. Use the stairway to leave immediately.” {See…I still have it ingrained in my brain.} The problem is this, well there are several problems really, but my main problem with him is this…his volume level. It’s rude. I know for a fact my body was teetering on the verge of a heart attack with his sudden high decibel alarm. I’d also like Mr. Emergency to take the time to point out a few reminders. Such as, if you are super sexy and sleep with a mouth guard or nose strip it might be a good idea to remove those accessories before facing all of your neighbors on the street. He should also remind everyone to bring their wallet, car keys, etc. Because if you believe what’s he’s saying, we’re all on the brink of becoming homeless real soon.

But like always, the Fire Department shows up, announces that somebody burnt their food, and we all parade back into the building. Meanwhile, and still as I write this, I hold back the urge to speak badly on the “cooks” who caused the late night block party. For I know that no one has to stretch their imagination to see this scenario happening to the live in and I.

The next day the live in and I recalled our late night event. We decided that next time Mr. Emergency decides on waking us up, we’ll try and take our wallets. It just seems like a good life decision.