Mind Tricks + Wild Imagination = Trouble

My real friends and my real family know this has been a very difficult week for me…already. However, today was the motha of all difficult days.

Let me start by saying, I love a good mind trick. Actually, to be more truthful and blunt, I have a rad imagination.

I can get through any boring meeting or situation by imagining I am someplace else with someone else. For instance, just yesterday (while in a meeting) I planned how I would address the nude beach situation when we visit the south of France later this summer. I ran through all scenarios in my head…go nude, go topless, or go American (aka in a swimsuit). Still in the meeting I came to my decision, which is to go topless. I tuned back in to the meeting just in time to hear the closing discussions. (Oh, stop judging. When in Rome, you know.)

A mind trick is perfected by making a slight adjustment in your everyday life that will either fool yourself or fool others just when you need it. This is where my extremely enhanced push-up gel bra comes into play. I haven’t worn the thing in years. Two and half to be exact. It makes my boobs look fab-u-lous though, the perfect mind trick for a much anticipated awful day at work.

About half way into my day I remembered why I haven’t worn my Heidi Klum look alike in years…the straps easily pop off. (Ladies, it’s the removable strap bra that can easily go from strapless, to halter, etc.) So at noon the left strap pops off easily making my right side now about two inches higher. Nothing screams fake like lopsided boobs!

I was on my way to the restroom to fix my lady humps when I hear that someone had been hit with a case of nerves and lost their breakfast in the restroom. Awesome. I am terrified of stranger vomit. I do an immediate u-turn. I did some maneuvering and man handling in my office to try and fix the situation, however not really very helpful.

So, I ignored it. I was too lazy to walk upstairs to use the other restroom, and honestly, couldn’t really commit to removing all necessary garments in order to correct the issue. My day had already gone so perfectly, what’s one more thing.

I sincerely hope my next mind trick proves more helpful. I need it. And fast.